Monday, July 24, 2006
Some thoughts on Sunday night.
As you may know, I hadn't seen my dad in over two years. On purpose.
I went on Sunday night to hold my fresh new nephew (11 pounds and
change) before he turned 24 hours old, and Dad and his new wife were
in the room with my brother, the baby, and my mom. I said, "hi, Dad,"
and he pretty much did what he always does: talk about himself and all
the things he has and places he's been. I'm not sure what I was
looking for, really. He didn't ask how I'd been, he didn't say, "it's
been a while, you look good/bad/different/the same." He just started
talking like we'd been having a conversation last week. I sort of
rolled the same way; just kept talking small talk.
My mom asked me and Catherine if we'd like to go get some dinner when
my brother asked us to go home, and asked if it was ok to invite Dad
and Pamela, which I said it was. So, we went downtown Indianapolis
and found our way to St. Elmo's Steak House, which has been a swanky
Indy place since 1902. I had a good steak, and made polite
conversation over dinner, and declined the incredibly inviting-looking
cheesecake. The car ride back to the apartment with Catherine, who
had never met Dad before, was quiet. I was sort of in an emotional
coma.
Anyway, I'm not sure where this leaves me. I brought up the topic of
"acceptance" at the AA meeting tonight, and as discussion went around
the room, I heard wonderful things (as I always do), and I left there
feeling much better. I'm just still sort of unsettled over it all,
but not nearly as much as I would have been a year ago.
So, I'm back to prayer, acceptance, let go and let god, and all that.
Sometimes those slogans annoy the hell out of me. Other times, they
put words in my mind that express exactly what I need to hear, when no
one else is around to tell it to me.
--
Is it really truth that we seek, or just a sweet enough lie to settle
our minds so we can sleep at night?
