Sunday, January 25, 2004
If you're reading this, you're either really bored, or someone who knows me. If you're really bored, this is mostly going to continue to bore you; if you're someone who knows me, none of this is new to you. In other words...this is a waste of bandwidth, and I'm ok with that.
As you know, my wife asked me to leave in 2003. This after years of counseling, talking, all that stuff. I've spent days crying, days raging, days riding a motorcycle aimlessly around the midwest trying to keep from thinking. I've come to no conclusion, other than that I wish I'd been able to be the person she wanted me to be. I don't want to go back to feeling like I felt toward the end of the marriage, either. It's frustrating, the whole damn thing.
The girls seem to be adjusted really well to me being gone. They're happy to see me, but they don't really seem to miss me all that much. I'm trying to come to terms with being away from them. Sometimes it's harder than anything else. Sometimes it's easy and I feel guilty for feeling happy.
The Fanatics Group guys have almost all been through something similar, and it's good to talk to them about this stuff. It helps me, when I'm feeling weird, to know that I'm not the only person to go through something like this, and that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what some other men have been through.
I've put up flyers for math tutoring, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some extra income that way. I'd like to be to the point with tutoring where I didn't have to get into the paycheck at all. A lot of things would be more simple, if that were the case.
As you know, my wife asked me to leave in 2003. This after years of counseling, talking, all that stuff. I've spent days crying, days raging, days riding a motorcycle aimlessly around the midwest trying to keep from thinking. I've come to no conclusion, other than that I wish I'd been able to be the person she wanted me to be. I don't want to go back to feeling like I felt toward the end of the marriage, either. It's frustrating, the whole damn thing.
The girls seem to be adjusted really well to me being gone. They're happy to see me, but they don't really seem to miss me all that much. I'm trying to come to terms with being away from them. Sometimes it's harder than anything else. Sometimes it's easy and I feel guilty for feeling happy.
The Fanatics Group guys have almost all been through something similar, and it's good to talk to them about this stuff. It helps me, when I'm feeling weird, to know that I'm not the only person to go through something like this, and that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what some other men have been through.
I've put up flyers for math tutoring, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some extra income that way. I'd like to be to the point with tutoring where I didn't have to get into the paycheck at all. A lot of things would be more simple, if that were the case.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
What a day. Teaching at this time of the year can get very frustrating. There are things that I'd like for my students to be able to do by the end of the year that I can tell that they just aren't going to be able to accomplish. It's sad, because they're already behind, and they need to step up and put more effort into themselves. I'm getting ready to try some new stuff. What I'm doing obviously isn't working, as far as classroom management goes, so I need to change. If I'm doing the same thing and expecting different results, that's crazy, right? The thing with so many of these children is the brain inside the head; I can tell that there is one. I just don't seem to be reaching it for that many of the kids. I spend more time trying to get one or two of the class to go where they need to be than I ever do in teaching. It's unfair to the children who are actually interested. It makes me very angry, sometimes. The behavior of that one ruins the chance of an education for everyone else. I never taught in the days of the "hickory stick," but I can tell that some of these students might do better in such an environment. A few strokes to make sure that they know they are to be behaving properly would certainly be a comfort.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
It's another grey day. I'm playing Graham Parsons "Return of the Grievous Angel" CD on my computer, and wondering why so many people with incredible talent only live long enough to give us a litte taste of the touch of God inside them. "In my hour of darkness/In my time of need/Oh Lord grant me vision/Oh Lord grant me speed"
It's worth a listen. I know, I know, some people don't think that they like country-sounding music. Tell ya what. Give it a spin, sometime. It's good stuff. You know why people don't like it, don't you? It makes them feel something deep down. We're programmed to look pretty and never have a sad moment. Then, along comes a song that makes you think about people you love and how much you'd miss them if anything should ever happen, and you find that you're bawling your eyes out at 70mph on the freeway. Go ahead, beefyboy. Keep a dry eye during "Streets of Heaven." If you can do it, you're probably some sort of sociopathic serial killer.
It's worth a listen. I know, I know, some people don't think that they like country-sounding music. Tell ya what. Give it a spin, sometime. It's good stuff. You know why people don't like it, don't you? It makes them feel something deep down. We're programmed to look pretty and never have a sad moment. Then, along comes a song that makes you think about people you love and how much you'd miss them if anything should ever happen, and you find that you're bawling your eyes out at 70mph on the freeway. Go ahead, beefyboy. Keep a dry eye during "Streets of Heaven." If you can do it, you're probably some sort of sociopathic serial killer.
Friday, January 02, 2004
It's a lovely start to the year here in the Circle City. The skys are glowering with a heavy mist. It's the perfect day to stay in bed, rolling over only to check the time every few hours. I'm starting this dealie because I have decided that, what the hell, why not. I mean, after all, I'm the kid who *would* jump off the roof if my friends did it.
