Thursday, October 28, 2004
another "dad dream" nightmare
Just woke up. I had another dream about my dad. In this one, we were trying to reconcile, and had met up at an AA meeting that I frequent (although in the dream it was in a different place and all the faces were different). I told the group about a meeting that needed help with attendance, and had offered to take Dad there. As we walked across a parking lot, he was hitting me from behind with some sort of ropy thing, like the twisted cardboard handle of a shopping bag or something. Not enough to really draw blood like a bullwhip, but in the dream, it really hurt. It was like he was doing it just because he was bored while walking across the parking lot. Anyway, I asked him to stop, and then decided that if he did it one more time, I was going to get back in my car and go home. Of course, he did it one more time, and I walked back to my car and just left. This obviously was embarrasing him in some way, like he couldn't understand why I didn't want to just be there and take the abuse. I didn't say anything mean to him, I just said that it looked like right now, we weren't going to be able to try to re-establish a relationship.
I wonder if he notices the fact that he hasn't spoken to me since the middle of May? He did leave me a voice mail for my birthday, sure, but does that count? I haven't given him very much thought recently, other than the occasional wondering what he's cooking up to screw us kids with next.
I met with my brother for a fabulous steak-n-shake dinner a couple of weeks ago. He was in town for an interview with a company. We got to talking about this whole deal with dad. My brother at least knows that dad can't be trusted, but he really doesn't understand how evil dad can be. It's unfortunate, but I'm afraid that my brother will end up getting screwed just like the rest of us. I hope I at least got him to hear a little of the truth before it's too late. He just doesn't grasp that dad can and likely will do everything he can to go through every penny he has before he dies. It's a sickness, and I hope I never act in such a way that my own children revile me as much as I revile my own father.
I wonder if he notices the fact that he hasn't spoken to me since the middle of May? He did leave me a voice mail for my birthday, sure, but does that count? I haven't given him very much thought recently, other than the occasional wondering what he's cooking up to screw us kids with next.
I met with my brother for a fabulous steak-n-shake dinner a couple of weeks ago. He was in town for an interview with a company. We got to talking about this whole deal with dad. My brother at least knows that dad can't be trusted, but he really doesn't understand how evil dad can be. It's unfortunate, but I'm afraid that my brother will end up getting screwed just like the rest of us. I hope I at least got him to hear a little of the truth before it's too late. He just doesn't grasp that dad can and likely will do everything he can to go through every penny he has before he dies. It's a sickness, and I hope I never act in such a way that my own children revile me as much as I revile my own father.
