Ever wonder why people make these things? Me neither.

Here I am, again. It's the middle of the damn night, and I'm waking myself up and finding that there's nothing for it but to surf the net and write little bits of drivel in my blog.

I have a heavy heart, of late, and it's not too difficult to imagine why, I suppose. Still, I've been taking some time to look at the things for which I should be grateful. When all else fails, that's a good way to start.

I'm grateful for my job. It gives me a chance to do something that I really enjoy, all day, every day. I know that sometimes I'm frustrated with kids that I teach, but I'm really fortunate that I get to work in a field that I love.

I'm grateful for my kids. I know I'm not living with them, and I miss them a lot. Still, they're amazing, and I'm so lucky to have them as a part of my life. When they hug me, tell me they love me, it completely undoes all the damage that "the world out there" does to me. I love that they have a sense of humor, that they are so sweet, and that they are able to compose themselves enough to be taken out in public.

I'm grateful for being sober. Those of you concerned that I didn't put this first, please know that the fact of my alcoholism is never far from the front of my mind, and that I'm aware constantly that I'm only sober by the grace of a Higher Power. 14 years doesn't seem like that long of a time when I'm thinking about being sober today. When I try to remember all that's happened since I got sober, though, I realize that there has been a lot of water under the bridge. I'm pretty sure I'd have had an unfortunate end if I'd continued to drink. Minor health issues that I'm dealing with today would probably have already blown into huge concerns that would have killed me, if alcohol or any of my other vices hadn't.

I'm grateful for my mom. I know that I don't tell her enough, call her enough, write her enough, any of that, but I've come to really appreciate what an incredible woman she is; especially when filtered through what I'm starting to understand about dad as a person. She's a very strong woman, and she's been true to herself through the entire divorce thing with dad. She's taken a position of caring for everyone with my own situation. She's a good person, and I love her for being who she is. Yeah, she's mental sometimes, but so are we all.

I'm grateful for my dad (I know...I didn't think he'd make the list, either). He's given me an example of what I don't want to end up becoming, in so many aspects of my life. I also know that he has some endearing properties. He never wanted to go hunting or fishing with Carl and I. He told us that he didn't like hurting animals without a real reason. I remember the first time I saw him cry was when one of our dogs died. There is compassion of a sort somewhere in him, I guess. He was accomplished in many areas, I know. We got to do some incredibly cool things as a result of him training himself, and we got to see things that most other kids can never even imagine. When I'm in the middle of ranting and cursing and raving, I need to take a minute to remember some of those things.

I'm grateful for the fact that I'm able to be gainfully employed in so many ways. Right now, I'm teaching summer school in the mornings and scoring tests in the evenings. It's a high workload, and sometimes it seems like too much, but I like being on-the-go, and I certainly like cashing the checks. I don't want to work like this for the rest of my life, but right now, it isn't too bad.

Right now, I'd be grateful for a cheeseburger. I'm HONgry. Again. I'm not making a midnight run to Steak -N- Shake, but I'm about halfway to being there.

Aaand I think that's about all for this morning. I'll be needing at least a little sleep if I'm going to be able to go whore myself out again to all the various places that are expecting me to be working today. Life is pretty good.